The Stone Bench
by Ellen Elizabeth
Summary: Lyra is having a tough time at school. She wakes from a nightmare and finds some comfort in the Stone Bench. rr por favor! complete


Lyra woke up sweaty and terrified. The blue sheets of her four-poster bed were damp with her sweat and they were twisted hopelessly about her. Pan was curled about her neck even though the marten form was not the best for that position. He was shaking uncontrollably. Lyra took him in her arms, got untangled from her sheets and tiptoed out of the dormitory.  
  
She went to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Then, chilled and achy she leaned against the wall and panted in fear. She slid down the wall until she was sitting on the cold, tile floor. A shiver went through her and she began to cry. Pantalaimon crawled into her lap and whispered comforts in her ear.  
  
Lyra had dreamed it was Midsummer's day and as planned she had gone to the Botanical Garden and sat at the bench. Suddenly Will had appeared before her. She had cried out his name and he had turned to look at her. There had been a cold, vacancy in his eyes.  
  
"Will!" she had called again and he looked away as if he wasn't interested. Lyra, distressed had rushed into his arms. As she wrapped her arms around him, he had looked down and pushed her away as if he did not recognize her.  
  
"Will!" she screamed at him. He did not look. Suddenly, as if Lyra had swallowed an ice cube whole, she had known that a specter had gotten his poor, beautiful dæmon, and now Will was unreachable, uncaring, he wasn't even Will anymore.  
  
Lyra could still feel his touch on her shoulders where he had shoved her away in her dream. She rubbed the places and sobbed harder. God, she was so frightened!  
  
"Will told us that there were no specters in his world," whispered Pantalaimon.  
  
"But that was before-before we could see them," Lyra whimpered back. She stroked Pan in thought, slowly regaining control.  
  
It had been a month since Lyra had seen Will's right hand close the window that separated them forever. For the entire time she had been depressed, though she tried to hide it around the Master. He had been so kind to her. Offering her a home and getting her fixed with Dame Hannah's school.  
  
School had been less than exciting, fun, and full of opportunity. Since losing the ability to read the alethiometer, Lyra had started at the bottom of her class. She rarely got to see an alethiometer, let alone read one. At night she would often go through the meanings she knew and remembered. She found she knew all of the primary meanings of all the symbols and almost all of the three secondary meanings. She ran through them in her head before sleep every night.  
  
Once a week she had private lessons with Dame Hannah herself, who, even though she was a female scholar, was a skilled alethiometrist. This was Lyra's favorite time. Dame Hannah let her handle her own alethiometer and brought out her own. Together they would ask simple questions that gradually got harder and tried to find the meanings.  
  
The other girls were snooty and ignored Lyra at first. Then, when the Master of Jordan Collage visited, and spoke of Lyra's adventures and accomplishments, the girls flocked about her like flies. They all wanted to be her best friend and Lyra liked it better when she was alone. She had changed, somehow. She no longer wished to be center of attention or leader. Will had calmed her. She missed Roger and Will terribly and spent her free time in solitude.  
  
She rose from the floor and went swiftly to her bed where she slipped her pillows under the covers to look like a body was huddled underneath and left the dormitory.  
  
Pan followed. He was curious; she had not shared what her plans were with him.  
  
She left the building and ran barefoot out of the school. Down the street she raced, picking up the pace as she went. She was wearing a thin nightdress; she hadn't even bothered with a dressing gown. Pan padded along beside her. She turned in the driveway to the Oxford Botanical Gardens and found the gate locked before her. Without a pause or a word to Pan, she used the cracks in the stone wall on either side of the gate to climb over. Pan was appalled. "Do you know what you are doing? What if someone realizes you are not in your bed? Or even worse, if someone realizes you are in their Botanical Garden?"  
  
"Hush, Pan. You know why I'm here. I can't take it anymore."  
  
"But Will won't be sitting at the bench at this time of night."  
  
"This is the only place he knows where I might be. If he looks for me, this is where he'll go."  
  
She walked quickly to the "special" bench she and Will had chosen almost a month before. She hesitated only a second before sitting down. Pantalaimon leapt up beside her and she cradled him in her arms. He had long-forgiven her for abandoning him and she was respectively grateful.  
  
~~~  
  
They sat that way for a long time before Lyra woke to the morning light. She squinted and looked at the sun indirectly. She figured it was about 8 o'clock. Which meant, she realized with a sinking heart, that the Garden was opening soon to the public. She had to leave and dress before it did.  
  
She looked about wildly but Pan was no where to be seen! She called his name, hoping he was only playing hide-and-go-seek with her. She got up from the bench and doubled over in pain and stiffness. Apparently, her body wasn't used to sleeping on a stone bench for half the night.  
  
She stood with some difficulty and returned to school at a run. Pan was waiting for her at the gate. She asked him when he'd left angrily.  
  
"Not too long ago, I lay on your pillows and acted sleepy. They still think you are there. I told them you were sick. It won't be long before they summon the nurse. Come inside, quick. If you're lucky, we could get the day off."  
  
Lyra nodded and followed her dæmon faithfully back to the boarding school with only one look back at the bench. 


End file.
